Driving Reality Check

My name is Jessica Rasdall, and I killed my best friend.

That is what I wake up thinking every morning and the last thing I think about before I go to bed at night. Laura was my absolute best friend. I had known her since kindergarten and the two of us had become inseparable. On Friday, February 25th, 2006, Laura and I were both 18-years-old and working together at the same restaurant. I got off work early and went home to rest. I told my mother I thought that I was coming down with a cold and I planned on staying in that night…but then Laura called. She said her roommate was not going to be coming home that night and that meant we would have the whole dorm room to ourselves. So I threw a bunch of clothes into a bag and drove over to Eckerd College, where Laura went to school.

We soon realized that there wasn’t anything going on around campus that night and Laura suggested we go dancing. I immediately agreed; it was our favorite thing to do together. So that was the plan, we would drive to Ybor City and go dancing…just us girls.

I never thought that would be the last time we would dance around her dorm room with the music blaring. I never thought that would be the last time that we would put on our make-up and take silly pictures of ourselves getting ready. I certainly never thought that on Friday, February 25th, 2006 I would kill my best friend.

Laura had been in a car accident a few weeks earlier. Her car was totaled and she was driving her parents’ rental car. She didn’t want to drive the rental car to Tampa and asked me to drive instead. Coincidentally, the rental car was the same make and model as my car.

Once we arrived at Ybor city, we parked in the parking garage, fixed our make-up and walked to the club. There was a long line of people outside and Laura and I started to get impatient. After standing in line for less than five minutes, a male employee from the club began telling us how “gorgeous” he thought we were and rushed us straight to the front.

I remember Laura saying, “I love this song!” and we went straight to the dance floor. While Laura and I were dancing, I noticed her staring over my shoulder at someone. When I turned around I realized that Laura was staring at the guy who let us into the club. He was just standing there watching us dance. He waved us over towards the bar and asked, “Are you girls 21? It really doesn’t matter.” He ordered us drinks and then This man instructed us to drink them quickly so we would not be seen holding the cups, that cups would be out of our hands. He started to get creepy and was asking for our phone numbers so Laura and I went back to the dance floor to continue our girl’s night out. When the club closed at 3am, Laura and I walked back to the parking garage and headed back to Eckerd College.

As usual, the car ride was filled with phone calls and singing. And then…it was all over. I don’t remember the accident. The next thing I remember after hanging up the phone is waking up covered in dirt, glass and blood. I didn’t know where I was, what was going on and who was sitting next to me. I couldn’t get out of my car and I was trapped in this tiny place next to someone who wouldn’t respond. I couldn’t see her face. I could hear cars flying by and I pushed on the horn over and over again. When the paramedics arrived, I begged them to help the girl next to me. They covered me with a blanket and eventually cut the roof off of my car.

I was taken by ambulance to the trauma unit at Bayfront Hospital. They cut off my bloody clothes and hooked me up to machines. As the nurses tried to clean the blood, with every wipe I felt the glass drag across my skin. I was so scared and still didn’t know what was going on. I later found out that my car went off the side of I-275 within a half-mile of the exit to Eckerd College. The car slid through the grass sideways until it hit a large clump of trees. The trees crushed in the roof of the car on both of us.

Back in the emergency room, an officer asked about a purse that was in the car; as he described it, I shouted, “That’s Laura’s Dooney and Bourke!” I asked the nurses about Laura, but they acted as though they knew nothing. When my mom came in, I asked her if she knew anything about Laura and the officer pulled my mother a few feet away. It was then that I overheard the words that still echo in my mind today, “Because this was a fatality…” In a room surrounded by strangers, I completely fell apart. Over and over I was screaming, “No, not Laura, not Laura …why not me …I killed my best friend!” At 3:37am Laura Ann Gorman had died in the passenger seat of my car. At 3:37am my life changed forever.

Eventually, they calmed me down and began working on the 400+ stitches needed to close the gash on my head and reattach my left ear. I was awake during the surgery but nothing seemed real. It was as if the world around me had stopped and I was lying there alone. The next few days in the hospital are a blur to me now. I remember a lot of people coming and going, a lot of medical procedures and so much pain. I was released from the hospital on March 2nd. That day also marked my 19th birthday, and the day of Laura’s funeral.

After being released from the hospital, I was informed that charges against me would be filed. Sitting outside the courtroom with my family, my stomach was in knots. I didn’t know what to expect. I had never been in a courtroom before, let alone charged with a crime. The judge told me that I was being charged with DUI Manslaughter and bail was set at $50,000. I couldn’t look back at my parents. I didn’t want them to see how scared I was…and I couldn’t bear to see them hurt anymore than they already were.

I was escorted to the jail where I was stripped searched and given a blue uniform that said “Maximum Security Inmate.” I sat and waited for hours. I had nothing to do but think…. I couldn’t stop thinking about how just weeks ago my biggest concern was an upcoming exam, or a paper I had to write. I never imagined that I would be sitting in jail worrying if I was going to be spending the next 10 to 15 years there. I couldn’t stop thinking about all the pain I had caused my family, Laura’s family, and so many others. I couldn’t stop think about Laura and all the things I will be able to do in the future, and Laura won’t. One day I’ll graduate from college and find a career for myself…. Laura won’t. Maybe one day I’ll get married and start a family of my own. But Laura won’t be standing by my side as my maid of honor, like we had planned. She was my other half, my best friend. She trusted me with her life.

I have spent the last year and a half re-living that night over and over again, everyday. I can’t seem to find a way to erase the horrifying images that fill my mind and haunt me with nightmares. There is nothing I can to do escape the pain, guilt, and regret. And then, sometimes, nothing seems real. To this day, I still sometimes catch myself picking up the phone to call Laura. And then I fall apart. Not one day goes by that I don’t think about all of the pain that I have caused.

Life is made of choices and every choice has a consequence. I made a horrible decision that claimed the life of my best friend, Laura Ann Gorman. I would do anything to bring Laura back; I would trade my life for hers. On July 29, 2007 Laura and I should have celebrated her twentieth birthday together. Instead, I will visit her at the cemetery, remembering the times we shared together.

I’m sure that most of you are a lot like me…a good person who made a mistake. But just because you’ve made a mistake it doesn’t mean you can’t do something about it, and it certainly doesn’t mean you can’t stop your friends from repeating your mistake, or theirs. With every sunrise, you are given the chance to start over again.

I hope that you make the right choices every day. Life is a precious, fragile, unpredictable miracle that can be taken away at any moment…unless you get a second chance. I’ve been given a second chance at life, a second chance to do the right thing. But unfortunately, you don’t always get second chances. It certainly isn’t easy for me to relive this nightmare every time I retell this story…but I do it in hopes that just one life will be saved. I do this hoping that I’m able to leave a lasting impression on you, so that you won’t repeat my mistake.

I hope and pray that my telling you how the events of one night changed my life forever will make you think twice about the decisions you are faced with everyday. Please remember my story as you are faced with a difficult, or even simple decision. It only takes one bad decision, one mistake. The only thing worse than losing your best friend is being charged with her death. Do you really want to wake up to that every morning? That’s what I do every day…